Men or better titled who are these asshats and why are they attracted to me?

Hola kids! Once again long time no see. I swear I'm gonna get better about blogging just as soon as my life gets under control. So on to the story of the day

It seems I've acquired another admirer. Now a few years ago I prayed to God to send me a tall sweet handsome man preferably with a steady income and an accent. Obviously I needed to be a little more specific cause what I got was Peter. A 6'5 Russian who worked my last good nerve. If you have not heard the stories, just ask I'll be happy to share. Since that ended a few months ago I decided to renew my prayers and I've been sent another gem who will remain nameless since he also happens to work with me. I think my prayers were once again a little garbled cause I was sent a 6'0 lying German! The tall part is getting taken care of we just need a little work on the rest. If you're wondering, accents of choice are English, Scottish and Irish and maybe Australian.

I should give you a little background though to bring you up to speed. As a rule Julie is not a big fan of dating work folks. It almost always leads to trouble, tension and the desire to run screaming from your workplace however he has nice eyes and my BFF Autumn is always telling me I need to stop being so picky and go out more. Anywho I've had the pleasure of knowing said gem for the last 8 years or so. When we first met he was married and unfortunately that didn't work out or so he said. I give him my number because what the hell, I can have a cup of coffee and if nothing happens at least I tried right? So a conversation or two later, nothing really happens but something just felt off. He seemed to call only while he was at work and only on his cell phone. Now I know lots of people don't have home phones but still. Anyways I was out for some much needed adult beverages with some co-workers when the topic of men who lust after Julie came up. Well if you read my blog you know I have another admirer at work so it was brought up that "why don't you date him Julie he loves you?" Again people HE'S FRICKIN MARRIED! So I put the kibosh on that one real quick and went back to enjoying my Blue Moon. But no they thought it would be hilarious to decide who amongst our work folks would be suitable for me to hook up with. So my new little friend came up. Now I don't say anything cause no one needs to know my business and I must admit I'm a little curious as to what others have to say about him. Well first and foremost HE'S FRICKIN MARRIED! Secondly he's been hitting on all the women in the sales office. OK who did I kill in a past life? Who's karma am I paying for? Do I only attract married men and weirdos?

As you can imagine I'm pretty pissed off. So I decide to confront the loser. And yep he's married. He says he told me, I say bull shit cause there ain't no way something like that is slipping my mind. This is a non negotiable for Julie, there's no way he could have slipped that in and I would have been like oh ok well that's alright! His excuse is I don't love her but I don't have a green card and don't want to be deported. WTF? Seriously guys, dating blows.

Say what now?

So I've been away a while. Not that I've actually gone any where I just have not had the pressing desire to blog lately. Lots of stuff has been happening in the realm of Julie and its kept me from my peeps. Anywho thought I'd share a pet peeve of mine today.

So I'm standing at the front desk (yes again) and we've had another of our delightful tour groups check in. Now Julie loves all people but I gotta say French folks work my nerves. I don't mean to over generalize but Frenchies are rude and kinda hard headed. I shouldn't have to say 5 times "Je ne parle pas le français" which I dutifully researched and means I don't speak french dumb ass! OK so maybe not dumb ass but close enough. If I ever have the great fortune to be able to travel Europe, out of common courtesy I plan on learning a few basic phrases in each language. I know this is gonna make me sound like an arrogant ass American but if you're gonna visit please pick up a few words so I'm not blankly staring at you trying to grasp one of the two hundred words streaming from your mouth extremely quickly.

Thank you, Merci, Ringraziarla, Gracias, Vielen Dank, Obrigado! :)

I'm not sure how it happened...

Yeah I'm an adult now. Not quite sure how it happened and it kinda snuck up on me. Last weekend, one of the last vestiges of my youth fell away. I was asked to chaperon a high school house party. Now this in and of itself would not have been bad. I mean I could look at it as I'm young and hip and this is why I was asked. But no it was my behavior at the party that made me realize I'm now old. Now it was a party of 15-18 year old boys and girls. This basically means it was a house full of hormones. The other chaperons and myself were stationed in the kitchen which gave us a perfect view into the dancing room. The way these girls were grinding and maneuvering made me think they were taking pole dancing lessons. As Chris Rock once said his only job in life was to keep his daughter off the pole. This should be every parent's aspiration. If not for the scraps (yes scraps)of clothes they were wearing they would have just been screwing on the dance floor. If you have teenage daughters please tell them to cover themselves and don't forget to check thier purse or bag before they leave the house, it's not hard to sneak a pair of booty shorts out. So this must have provoked the mother in me (even though I don't have kids yet) I grabbed a mag lite and assumed the police officer pose. You know the one, maglite near your head, shining the light in their eyes all the while I'm telling them they need to knock it off before they get pregnant out on dance floor. Yeah I'm not so much cool anymore. :(

I sleepy, Part Deux

So I was off yesterday and this gave me a chance to finish Such A Pretty Fat (seriously if you just go out and buy a copy I may stop mentioning it) and as I was not interested in finishing the other book I was reading (Amy Tan's Saving Fish from Drowning, normally I love her work but this book is dragging) I decided to take a quick drive over to Barnes and Noble and pick up a few more books. After spending a few hours (yes hours, I love books and they have Starbucks, I could spend days holed up in there!) I purchased Stephanie Meyers The Host. Now if you're a follower of her work you know she wrote the Twilight Series (now being made into a movie, released on 12/12/08, thanks again to my book pusher for the recommend) which are fabulous books however I was a little leery about this one. Little too Sci-Fi for my tastes and seriously $18 for a book!? Even a consummate book lover like myself thinks this is ridiculous which is why I don't normally buy hardback. Anywho I like her writing style and it looked kinda interesting so I decided to give it a try. Fast forward through the rest of my afternoon which involved dropping a casserole dish (see what happens when I try and cook) and if that's not bad enough, slicing open the sole of my foot on said casserole dish. When I dropped the dish I happened to be texting a friend of mine and his helpful advice was close the wound with some super glue. Really? Guys, super glue and duct tape does not fix everything! Also Mike, if you're reading this I sooo did not take your advice. Again anywho we're still fast forwarding, because I broke the dish dinner was not happening so I picked up my kids and we hit up Wendy's drive thru (and no don't worry, I didn't suddenly have kids, my mom is out of town so I'm playing auntie mommy with my nieces and nephew) homework, bath time and bedtime followed and then I was finally able to settle down with my new book. And really all of this has led up to one thing, the book is frickin awesome, I was up until 230 reading it and once again only got about 3 hours sleep. So I sleepy but it was so worth it. Buy the book!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's day to all my mommy friends out there! May the day bring you nothing but laughs, happy memories and good times with your families. Oh and presents, lots and lots of presents! Preferable sparkly shiny presents!

I sleepy!

Yeah mornings suck a little bit. OK to clarify it's not so much the mornings as the fact that my alarm went off at 5am and I had to go to work. Also it probably wouldn't have sucked so bad if I hadn't stayed up until 2am reading Such a Pretty Fat (have you picked up your copy yet?) Now that I'm officially old (yes I'm 30, I'd thank you not to mention it) I've found that I can no longer function with only 3 hours sleep. When I was 21 I could drink until 5, make it to work by 8, work a double and go out again that night, (yes I just told a back in the day story, the first sign of old age setting in) Now I find I can only make it through the day with the aid of a iced venti skinny vanilla latte with an extra shot of course. Now would also be a great time to give a shot out to my favorite barrista/drive thru attendant at my local Starbucks. I'm such an ass I've yet to get his name but he always remembers me, my drink and compliments me when I'm having a good hair/makeup/outfit day. Seriously what more do you need than a big cup of coffee and someone telling you that you look pretty today.

Listen up people, free is good!

So last night my hotel had the pleasure of being oversold by about 13 frickin rooms! Now normally I don't mind if we are a few rooms over, I mean walking people is not my favorite activity but you gotta do what you gotta do. Unfortunately we had a big group in that had a no walk clause in their contract so regardless of if their people show up or not we can't send them away. Anyways after a few cancels, a few no shows and some help from my morning crew we were down to just one room over. Great news! Walking 1 person compared to 13 is cake. Well then one of my brilliant sales managers decides he wants to make a reservation for a client of his. Nothing pisses me off more than a sales person who thinks of no one but themselves. You think it's no big deal walking someone then you come up to the desk and handle it buddy! He quickly is shown the error of his ways and decides to have his client come in on Friday instead. Once again its all right with the world. Then another asshat (what this is I'm not sure but Brooklyn is a fan of the word) sales manager puts another reservation in! Who are this idiots and why must I work with them!? Then I'm told that we can't boot this person out because they're with another no walk group so now I gotta walk 2 people!

So here is where my free is good speech begins. I realize all things free are not great. No I don't want a free kick to the head, but a free night at a 4 star resort is nothing to sneeze at! Throw in a couple free drinks and breakfast or dinner and you should be damn happy! This is not how the people I choose to walk last night felt. One couple could not believe we were doing this to them! "We drove all the way in from San Diego (whatever it's a 6 hour drive ) and we're exhausted (it's 7pm, man up) and now you're saying we don't have a room!" Ten minutes later I bought them a few drinks and they're on their way. I know drinking and driving bad but hey they asked I'm here to make people happy! Not much later our second lucky contestant walks up, not the brightest light bulb in the bunch, it takes me 20 minutes to explain that a) this is not a personal vendetta I have against her so please don't ask "why me" one more time, b) The hotel I'm sending you to isn't a whore motel on Van Buren (if you're from phoenix or ever been to phoenix you know this is where the whores hang out) it's a luxury resort and c) it's exit 34 off the freeway not 34 miles down the freeway! I finally get her in her car and on her way with typed directions yet she still gets lost. I spend the next 15 minutes on the phone with her guiding her in like a frickin air traffic controller. I know you're all jealous and wish you could be me. If you'd like to trade jobs, you know where to contact me.